


Close and not close enough

by PerriewinkleNerdie



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerriewinkleNerdie/pseuds/PerriewinkleNerdie
Summary: It just gets worse, and he has no idea when will he break.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart)
Kudos: 50





	Close and not close enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!  
> How we feeling, fam? Good? Broken? All of the above? GOOD.  
> This is the dinner scene with my twist, cause I refuse to stand by and watch that delicious slow burn get to me.  
> It is here that I would like to express my deep sadness to all the Rafael stans, PB did you dirty, I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  
> Enjoy! <3

Her shift came and went in a blink of an eye. It was her first day back and she already felt as though she ran a marathon and needed a break. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t look like she would get a break after work. The dinner with the governor was like a second job of the day; she was sure that there would be no time to relax.

Ethan said that he would drive her there, so she tried not to make him wait too long. Taking her coat off, she glided her hands over any crease on her green blouse she could find, ran her fingers through her hair and left the locker room.

Walking into the lobby, she noticed Ethan’s tense posture, his back to her. Next to him stood Harper Emery, smiling at him gently. They talked about something and Claire noticed how Ethan kept his distance from her, maintaining the friendly atmosphere. Harper was the first one to notice her, her expression one of politeness and openness. Upon her reaction, Ethan turned around to greet her too, his eyes sparking up as they met hers.

“Dr. Herondale. Nice of you to finally join us.” He nodded, using his words carefully, which almost made Claire laugh when she noticed the usual playful banter that was never too far away from their conversations. She grinned at him, holding his gaze for a moment too long before Harper’s voice broke their connection.

“Claire. I was so intrigued when I heard you’d be joining us. Ethan said you made quite the impression on the Governor.” Her smile was wide and Claire tried to find any indication that it wasn’t sincere, but it seemed as though Harper was genuinely interested in what she had to say and who she was as a person.

“I’m just doing my job.”

“Then consider impressing Governor Rivera your full-time job for the rest of the night. If she’s taken a particular shine to you, we should use that.” Harper’s eyes gleamed with determination, like she was preparing herself for a battle. Claire froze, uncertain what exactly was going on.

“Wait… how much is at stake here?” she heard her own voice going up an octave, her eyes shifting to Ethan, only to find him already looking at her. He didn’t even attempt to make it seem as though he wasn’t, and she couldn’t tell exactly why.

“Edenbrook is a non-profit. We rely on a significant amount of annual subsidies for research, education and community service.”

“The state budget’s up for review now. We need to make sure the Governor sees the value of what the voters are paying for.” Ethan joined in, gesturing with his hand gently as he spoke, his eyes still focused solely on her. If Harper found it strange, she didn’t say anything about it.

Claire nodded, her face settling into a look of stern motivation. “I’ll do my best. Our patients will suffer if our funding goes down. I won’t let that happen.”

“None of us will.” He agreed, pursing his lips tightly in anger over whoever thought it was an appropriate idea to cut the budget of a _hospital._

“Game faces on, team. Let’s secure that funding.” Harper clapped her hands twice, eager to get to work, and the three of them walked out of the building, aiming their steps towards the parking lot.

Ethan kept himself close to Claire, with Harper trailing slightly behind them. From time to time, his hand would brush against Claire’s sending a shock wave up their arms at alarming speed. They would move away from each other at that feeling, only to be brought back together seconds later, the cycle repeating until they reached his car. He opened the door to the passenger’s seat, then helped Harper get into the back of the car before taking his seat behind the steering wheel himself and starting the car.

He wouldn’t say the atmosphere was stiff, but he would call it tense. Maybe it was the weight of the situation they were in, their dinner having the potential of being the most important dinner in the next couple of months. Maybe it was the fact that he had been with both of them, and he was now realizing that, with one of them, he found it impossible to forget about everything she did. In his peripheral vision he saw Claire fidgeting, twisting her fingers nervously.

Looking back at it, he didn’t really think about what he was doing, it just felt right. He reached out with his hand for hers, squeezing gently, running his thumb over the back of her hand with the most tender of touches he could afford at that moment. In the rearview mirror he saw Harper’s eyes light up in surprise that was quickly disguised and substituted by a blank stare at whatever it was ahead of them.

Taking his hand back, he attempted, time and time again to compose himself and not let his eyes stray back to the blonde by his side. Claire’s gaze, however, lingered on the side of his face shamelessly, grinning at how fast he changed the radio station when some upbeat song came on, unbothered by the look Harper was most likely sending her. He couldn’t remember the last time he wished he was alone with Claire, despite how much he tried not to do that, to not tempt himself with what he could have had had he not been so stubborn.

He parked the car and turned the engine off, walking out to assist them both, but Harper already got out by the time he reached their side of the car. Claire, however, didn’t, so he held the door open for her, and then placed his hand on the small of her back for a brief second before shaking himself, like waking up from a trance, and letting his hand fall back against his side. She looked back at him, giving him a sad smile, before they both entered the building.

A waiter escorted them through the seemingly endless rows of tables, between people dressed in overpriced suits and dresses that would be thrown into the pits of their wardrobes as soon as they went back home. Governor Rivera, along with some of her staff and a smiling Naveen were seated by the table in the far corner of the restaurant, all of them stood up to greet them.

“Ah, here they are.” Naveen laughed, clapping Ethan on his back, then hugging Claire and Harper briefly. The Governor smiled warmly at the three of them, looking them over quickly.

“It’s so nice to see you again, and to meet you, Doctor Emery. Oh, and happy birthday!” she exclaimed, putting her hand on Harper’s arm and squeezing, leaving her flustered. Claire’s eyes widened as she remembered what happened earlier that day, but thankfully, the other doctor played along.

“Uh… thank you?”

Governor Rivera waved her hand towards the table invitingly. “Please, sit. I’ve already taken the liberty of ordering the table.”

“Trust me, her taste is excellent.” Naveen chimed in, grinning widely at his friends.

Claire followed her gut and sat down on the seat across from the Governor. That way, she had Harper on the other side of the table too, as well as Naveen. Busy with hanging her purse on the back of her chair, she didn’t see Ethan sliding into the chair next to her, but she did feel his body pressing against hers gently, and then the smell of his cologne reached her senses and she let herself slipping slightly before she gripped the ledge and held on, bringing herself back to the safe land. The whole incident went by, unnoticed by their companions, but by the absent look in Ethan’s eyes, she could tell that he went through the similar experience.

“I’m very glad to have a chance to speak with you further, Claire.” Governor smiled at her warmly, her eyes observing her closely, not letting her forget what all of that was really about.

“The pleasure’s all mine, Governor.”

“Are you happy working at Edenbrook?” she questioned, the double meaning of her every word, every question so tangible that it left her mind in a brief state of haze before she gathered herself for an answer.

“There is nowhere in the world I’d rather work.” Claire exhaled deeply, grounding herself in the reality of the situation, feeling all the eyes, locked and focused solely on her.

“I expect that’s just one of many reasons Dr. Ramsey referred to you as the ‘bright future of Edenbrook’ earlier.” She mused, looking Claire dead in the eyes the entire time they talked. The stare was so intense that she barely could stand to maintain the contact. Fortunately for her, Naveen came to her rescue, allowing her to look away from the burning eyes of the Governor and focus on something else.

“And he was right to do so.” His smile was warm and reassuring, comforting and encouraging. When she looked back at the woman in front of her, she found that she was still looking at her, almost like she was preparing to deal the final blow. And deliver the said blow, she did.

“What does Edenbrook’s bright future look like to you, Claire?”

Claire’s throat closed up, making it difficult to swallow or breath, and she felt herself look to all the senior doctors, sitting by the table with her. From Naveen that blinked happily at her, to Harper that nodded with determination in her eyes. And to Ethan, that stared at her with so much faith that she swore he might burst.

“I think it lies in our training. There is a reason Edenbrook is the crown jewel of Massachusetts healthcare. Why med students from all over the country try to match here. It’s the best place to hone your skills as a physician. We’re the envy of the world, and we intend to stay that way.” She took a deep breath before speaking, picking her words carefully as to not overstep and fully encapsulate every part of why that hospital was special, why they needed the money without specifically saying that in so many words.

“You’re quite confident. But I can tell you have the know-how to back it up. You almost remind me of myself!” The Governor’s smile got wider, like she finally allowed herself to show a peak of her real emotions instead of carefully curated ones that she had mastered over the years.

They get interrupted by a waiter, who settles a series of platters all over the table, all containing a variety of seafood. Claire gasped in surprise, causing Governor Rivera to chuckle invitingly.

“This is the first of eight courses. I suggest we leave any further shop talk until at least the seventh.”

“You’ll hear no argument from me!” Naveen exclaims, looking at Claire from his seat across the table, expressing his approval and gratitude for what she said. The corners of her lips lift up gently in return before they all focus on the food in front of them.

She refrained from reaching forward, instead waiting for the other side of the table to do that first, and it was at that exact moment that she felt a slight movement beneath the table. Ethan’s knee touched hers delicately, awaking the sparks that she was hoping would go away with enough time and space. Claire’s eyes moved to catch his, but he avoids her gaze, making it seem as though the touch was a mistake, an innocent misstep on his part. His face was blank, wiped of any emotions, but from where she was sitting, she could see a hint of a blush that slowly creeped up his neck, just beneath the collar of his shirt.

“Bon appetit!” The Governor said, helping herself to some of the food in front of her, finally starting the dinner.

Claire would be damned if anyone asked her why she got flustered at that moment, or the moment after that, and she would be forced to lie about it being hot in the room or how she could feel the hear of the day catching up to her. The real reason was Ethan Ramsey, sitting next to her, continuously grazing her knee with his, like he couldn’t get enough of her touch, like he was starved for it.

He would never admit it, of course, he would deny everything and call a person delusional, but he knew that there was no fooling Claire. Out of curiosity, she asked for their menu for the night, and once she began reading it, she felt Ethan lean over to her, dangerously close. Their faces were so near that she could feel his breath on her cheek, his knee now pressing against hers with constant pressure.

“If you want to walk out of here on your own legs, I suggest you skip the fifth course.” He muttered under his breath, gazing at her, waiting for her to turn her eyes to him. Once she did, he saw playful sparks, dancing in her green irises, and she scrunched her nose adorably at him.

“Wouldn’t that be a faux pas?” musing quietly, she looked him dead in the eyes, then added. “We wouldn’t want anyone to notice, now, would we?”

Fully aware of what they were doing, they leaned back with just a ghost of a smile, his touch leaving her once more. He enjoyed it, the game they were playing, so plainly in sight of everyone around them, and yet, only the two of them really knew what was going on.

“Ethan, why don’t you tell the Governor what the diagnostics team is up to now?” Naveen asked all of a sudden, making Ethan have to lean forward and brace himself against the table, resting his hands on the flat surface comfortably. He cleared his throat before speaking about what the present and the future of the team was. From the looks on the faces of his companions, he could tell that they were genuinely interested in everything he had to say, and he could talk like that, uninterrupted, for hours.

But, of course, life was never that simple. Not his, at least.

Claire leaned forward, mirroring his posture, sharing her outlook on the team. As a new addition, she had a fresh eye to everything that they were up to, and her input into the conversation was greatly appreciated by the Governor and her team.

Ethan thought nothing of the way she sat a few inches closer to him when she was fixing her position on her chair. He should have. He was talking about all the possibilities the team could have if they continue growing and working the way they were now, when he felt a slight movement against his ankle, pushing up his calf and then back down. Air escaped his lungs, then was rapidly taken in again as he gasped inaudibly, struggling to maintain a straight face. He knew what she was doing, even if only by the look of innocence she had on her face when he turned to check with her if she agreed with what he was saying.

She nodded, taking the lead in the conversation, her foot still making its journey up and down his leg. Ethan’s frustration at the teasing that most likely would not get any resolve skyrocketed fairly quickly, until it reached the point in which she either stopped, or he retaliated. Having decided to attack her with her own weapon, he mirrored her actions in great detail, allowing his foot to push between hers and trace the line of her bare leg.

It was her pure luck and a coincidence that she stopped talking as soon as he started taunting her, giving back as much as she gave him, but never crossing the line. Ethan allowed himself to look at her, one deep dive into her eyes, and immediately he knew it was a mistake. He always seemed to get lost in them, but that night, it was different. Definitely had something to do with the longing he felt for the woman he was looking at. She stared back at him with just as much intensity, never backing down from a challenge, but there was no competition, just two people that wanted, but couldn’t get it right.

A tight sound of clearing throat broke them from the spell that bound them together in a gaze. Ethan’s head snapped in the direction of where the sound came from and, to his surprise, he saw Harper, her eyebrow up in a silent question. The moment she saw his eyes, though, her whole demeanor changed. From that point forward, she _knew._ She understood now, she saw it clearly, even if Ethan himself didn’t.

\----------------

The rest of the evening went fairly well, a smooth sail compared to how it started. Ethan expected the ride home to be a nightmare, but, to his surprise, Harper didn’t mention anything, she didn’t act differently to either of them, and held a fairly normal conversation with them both. He drove her home first, wishing her a good night before she closed the door behind her, leaving Ethan and Claire alone at last. The silence was a welcome change of pace, enclosing them both in its precious luxury. She groaned lightly, sinking deeper into her seat.

“I’ve never felt so full in my life.” she sighed, turning her head to watch him as he grinned widely.

“You should have taken my advice and skipped the fifth course.”

Shaking her head, she tangled her fingers together and looped her hands over her knee, trying to get comfortable. “No way. When the Governor of Massachusetts pays for eight amazing courses, you eat eight amazing courses. I had no idea rich people food tested so much better than what they serve to us plebes.”

Ethan nodded slightly, realizing how much painful truth was plainly expressed in her snarky comment. “We do live disgustingly well, yes.”

Her eyes find their way to his face again, tracing the way the lights of the street cast descending shadows off his sharp cheekbones. Almost as though he could feel the heat of her stare, he turns to look at her. “What is it?”

“Do you think we convinced her?”

“Thanks to you, yes. I think we did.” he smiled at her tenderly, observing her for a moment longer before returning his focus to the road ahead of them, driving safely.

She debated what to do with herself, feeling an all too familiar pull towards him. Her body ached to touch him, to feel him, and there was nothing that she could possibly do to stop herself. Cautiously, gently, she leaned over, letting her head nestle into the crook of his shoulder. The comfort and warmth of his closeness engulfed her like the softest blanket ever created. Her eyes flew to the rearview mirror, catching the way his whole face was lit up with a bright smile.

The ride to her apartment is entirely too short for them to really appreciate the familiar feeling of comfort that their touch gave them. He stopped the car, turning to look at her with regret in his eyes.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to come up for a nightcap.” She asks either way, even though she already knows the answer. Ethan allows himself to look at her, to roam her whole being with yearning in his gaze, plain as day. His fingers move as though they have a mind of their own, brushing the skin of her cheek gently, trying desperately to remember the feeling until the next time when he would allow himself to indulge in such a luxury. A real luxury, not a fake one that money can buy. Finally, he shakes his head, his lips curling into a rueful smile.

“Goodnight, Claire.”

“Goodnight, Ethan.” She reached for his hand, still pressed to her face, and squeezes gently before letting her other hand grasp the handle and open the door.

Ethan’s mind was swirling in the worst tempest he felt in a while. Every time he had to push her away, it got worse, and he feared the time when it will get too much for him to handle and he will just break. Not ‘would’ but ‘will’. Because he was certain that this day was coming, he just didn’t know how soon that would be.

He saw in his mind the moment in which her hand would let go of his, and he couldn’t physically bring himself to let it happen. Tightening his grip, he let out a broken moan. “Claire-“

She turned around, one hand in his, the other at the still closed door, her eyes carrying the question. He leaned towards her, placing both of his hands on her cheeks, his index fingers locking behind her ears as he stroked her skin with his thumbs tenderly. They stared at one another, unsure what that moment was and what it meant until he groaned, a full of pain sound, and pulled her to him in great haste, slamming their lips together in a hungry kiss that took their breaths away.

Claire’s eyes fluttered shut after her initial shock subsided, her hands resting temporarily on his sides, gripping his sweater tightly, tugging his body towards her as much as she could. She sighed when the kiss broke, both of them panting heavily, desperate to take back the air that was lost when they connected, but their grip on one another never wavered. It didn’t even take a moment for her to move her hands to his hair and pull him right back to where he was just a while ago, kissing him, again and again, like she couldn’t get enough of him. Ethan’s face twisted like he was in great pain, but nevertheless, he pulled her even nearer. There was no space left between them, only him, her and the unknown depth of their feelings that neither could have possibly known.

It’s Claire that finally breaks the kiss for good, resting their foreheads against one another, eyes still closed. She tried to push the memory into her head hard enough so that it would stay there. The way he held her, the way he tasted, the way he felt against her. Once they both dared to open their eyes, only to find out that no, they were not dreaming, she smiled at him softly, a melancholic smile that made his heart ache.

“Sleep well, Ethan.” She whispered, leaving a ghost of a kiss against his lips and going to her apartment. By the door, she turned around, Ethan’s eyes still on her. Still full of regret, still watching only her. 


End file.
